What to do...

So, the disaster waiting to happen never happened. I was freaked out for nothing. And my bf didn't get to see his brother. Or meet his nieces and nephews. They came all the way to this province only to do their thing in another city, and turn around and go home. They were only three hours away as opposed to fourteen, and his brother didn't even bother. I can't say I'm not enormously relieved that they didn't come. But it sucks that my bf cancelled his holidays so that he could stay here and see them, only for them to not show. Now it's too late for him to book holidays.

And then there's me. I was so stressed about this for two weeks. Everyday I would learn something different about the situation, and if I was going to go home I had to ask for the time off sooner rather than later. So I have the time off, starting really, really soon, and I do want to see my family, but now it's a bad time. I feel bad for taking off on the bf when he is apparently unable to go anywhere, and to top it off, my hometown is on Evacuation Alert due to surrounding wildfires. There's an air quality warning because of the smoke, and my parents don't want to leave anytime soon to come here like I suggested. They were also disappointed about the timing of my potential visit because apparently what they actually wanted, was a little family reunion with my sister and brother-in-law in another city, at the end of the month. Now I have no idea what to do. I don't know if I can change my vacation time and I'm not sure I want to change it even if I can. I want to go home, but I don't want to breathe in smoke.

I am going to scream. I want a vacation. A real vacation. Where I do stuff. And have fun. But all I ever do on my time off is go home to visit the parents. I was hoping to make the best of it this time, and try to arrange camping and hiking and all sorts of outdoorsy-type stuff. But that's out due to the air quality.

What to do...

Points of Light and Everyday Life

What was the most interesting thing about my day today? That's hard to say, there's just so much to choose from: there's being at work and checking emails, assigning dockets, answering really stupid questions on the phone; being late for work as usual, not taking a lunch break, having a pounding headache....

Today, like a lot of days, was pretty much boring, boring, boring. I would have to say the highlight of my day was having Japanese take-out for dinner, though I didn't have much of an appetite, and making this playlist for my blog.

It's strange. My life is like a movie (a really odd, boring, pointless movie). The moments that I spend outside of myself, the movie is on play: I feel kind of okay, I may even be having fun (something I'm trying to have more of lately), but as soon as the event stops, I slip back inside myself and the movie is on pause, and I'm left holding the remote control, unable to do anything but stare blankly at the unmoving image on the screen.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. But lately I've been having brief moments where I feel okay, and you would think these moments would break apart and start to infiltrate my everyday life, but they don't. They're still just isolated points of light.