Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I feel so incredibly stuck. Why am I still in this relationship? Why am I still in this city? Why am I still working this job? It's like I've quit living all together and I'm sleep-walking, zombified, a ghost, whatever you want to call it, I'm just not here! I'm so afraid of change. I'm so afraid of really trying at anything because I'm so afraid to fail. How did I get like this? Some days, I just want to end it. Some days, I just wish I would go over the edge and be committed to an institution where I wouldn't have to be in charge of my own life. I don't know what the answers are when the biggest obstacle I face is me. I feel like time is running out. I'm getting older and my life just keeps going down hill. At least when there was a glimmer of hope, I kept thinking, someday in the future my real life will begin. I'm starting to realize now, that I've been living my real life and it sucks!