Sunday, June 26, 2011


I've been feeling like I'm approaching a crossroads for a while, and I keep bouncing from hopeful feelings, to feelings of despair. I'm not entirely sure how I got here, to this point in the road, but I wish to God I could turn around and go back. Take a different route, find out where that takes me. But of course, I can't. I'm stuck here, in this time, in this reality, on this dirt fork in the road, where one direction leads to light and happiness and the other to dark and despair, a place where I don't have enough sense to pick the right path.

Why should I even consider it a choice? Is it because I've already decided that my life is over? That the me that existed once upon time, the me that had hope for a future, that wanted nothing more than to help people, to make a difference in this sorry world, the me that thought it would get better, is already dead?

I can't shake the feeling. I want to straighten out my life. I do. But I'm afraid of what will be left when those obstacles to happiness are gone. What will be left but me?


Possum said...

"what will be left but me?"
that's the most valuable and all that matters...your-self.

"I want to straighten out my life. I do"
so work out what that 'looks' and 'feels' like and make that your target.

Baby steps. Celebrate yourself each day!

MaryPoppins said...

Thanks for the support Possum. I think part of the problem is I'm not entirely sure what it looks and feels like, but I'm working on it :)