I'm sitting in my favourite place to go for lunch and have ordered a vegetarian stir fry. I left a little earlier than usual because I honestly think if I stayed another minute I would have had a melt down. I guess I already had a little one. I sat in the bathroom for 10 minutes alternating between crying and trying not to cry. Finally I just said "fuck it. I'm getting out of here".
It was very difficult to get out of bed this morning, like it is every morning. I even got more sleep than usual because I know being really tired amplifies everything. But it didn't help. I open my eyes and the first thing I think about is why do I bother? The first thing I think of doing is putting a stake through my heart. One that's long enough to go right through my chest and pin me to the bed I feel so trapped in.
Well my food is here now. One of the reasons I like coming to this place is because of the Thai radio station they usually listen to, which I find oddly soothing, and the fact that I'm usually alone in here. The ambience is different today.
I think I'm listening to The Backstreet Boys.
Okay. Must eat. May write later.
Things get better with food, right?